Friday, 13 May 2011

The Joy of Cuts

"I say Tristan, fancy going up to Town on Saturday?"
"Gosh, why not? What's on? Something good at the Opera?"
"Hmm, maybe later on, after we've been to the...rally..."
"Rally? Rally what?"
"No, the Rally. The Rally for the Cuts."
"Rally for the Cuts? What's that then Boris? Better cuts of prime sirloin from Ashbys? Haw haw!"
"No you silly...The Cuts, the Government cuts. I mean, we had all these students last year rallying against the tuition fees - can't see the problem, I mean Daddy paid far more than 9k for my degree. Then we had these union oiks back in March setting fire to Trafalgar Square. Poor Nelson must have thought it was the froggies back. Then just the other day some bunch of pseudo-disabled carping about not getting their wheelchairs oiled for free by the DSS. So we thought... if they can do it, why can't we?"
"Why can't we what?"
"Why can't we protest too?"
"Ah, I see...I..see..."
"Do you Tristan?"
" are we protesting against Boris?"
"Oh, you don't have to worry. It's not that sort of protest. We're protesting in favour of the cuts. We're going up to Town to give David C and George a jolly good thumbs up for getting these malingerers off disability whatsit and ending gold plated pensions for council cleaners. I's ridiculous isn't it? Why does a cleaner need a pension? As if they're ever going to retire? I mean, ours is 84 and she still works a 7 day week for Cynthia and me. She's a bit wheezy some days, but like I say when we give her her Christmas sherry, it's all jolly appreciated. I mean, she doesn't even take holiday, so why would she need a pension? These council wallahs could learn a thing or two from our Gladys. Salt of the earth, she is. Hard work never hurt anyone."
"Hear! Hear! So who's on your rally?"
"We've got that splendid Farage fellow from the UKippers...Did I tell you he was Head Boy in my cousin's Form Class in Upper Sixth? And, in fact, he still is! And he'll be joined by Norris know...Guinness chappie...It'll be a blast."
"I hope there won't be any trashing the War Memorial again?"
"Absolutely not...Who knows, we might trash a restaurant after, but we can pay for the damage..just like the old Bullingdon days, eh?"
"Well, it all sounds jolly good fun. But I was looking at the Telegraph earlier..."
"Was it supportive?"
"Not really I'm afraid...It said it might rain."
"Ah, well, if that's the case Tristan...let's send our Men to march for us! If they shout loud enough I might throw in a little overtime even. Don't say I'm not fair to the staff!"
"Yes, that'll show these bolshies. Now, Boris, fancy another round? My tax rebate just came through..."
"Tax rebate?"
 "Yes, bloody bureaucrats! HMRC cocked up again. My accountant had a rather long argument with them before he managed to get my Tuscan villa set aside as business premises, so I got a £15k rebate on the business taxes..."
"My God! You actually pay some tax?"
"Well, er..touch embarrassing I know, but just a little. Not much...My gardener still pays more."
 "I...I'm sorry Tristan...Concierge! I think this...this Guest is leaving the Club now. Can you get his coat...He's going to need it. I hear it might rain..."

The "Great and the Good" won't take it any more...!

nb - while many regional and smaller theatres and arts groups face closure owing to cuts in public support, the 2011-12 settlement for the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden, preserved intact the £26 millions of taxpayers money that subsidises an institution largely patronised by the wealthier components of British society. Let's hope the Pro-cuts demonstrators take their banners to the steps of the Opera House itself. No, I'm not holding my breath either.

1 comment:

  1. Update; 350 people attended the pro-cuts rally today. In spite of trying to deflect from their real theme by calling it an "anti-debt march", the predominantly rightwing Tory and UKIP group chanted merrily "What do we want? Cuts! When to we want them? Now!"

    Priti Patel, Conservative MP, spoke saying that the level of debt facing the country is unsustainable and that people didn't appreciate just how high it is.

    But the truth is that debt, while higher than the very low levels achieved by Gordon Brown when he was Chancellor, national debt this year as a per centage of GDP will be around 62%. This is lower than it was for most of the last century. Check it here on the Government's own website:

    It is little surprise that most of the people who attended the intimate gathering today are on the libertarian rightwing, who see any state action beyond providing armed services and (possibly) the police, as essentially undesirable. Their enthusiasm has nothing to do with economics and far more to do with their desire to dismantle the NHS, state education and any and all other apsects of what they see as the Welfare/Nanny state. (ironically, their constant allusion to the Nanny state probably demonstrates how many of them were in fact weaned by nannies and the background they hail from...)

    More on the march here: